Frustration Sets In

We were supposed to have an autism screening appointment yesterday for our youngest daughter, and it got cancelled - with only two hours' notice. Grrrr.... it's ok if the doctor cancels on such late notice, but not ok when a patient calls like that. It really aggravated me. We've been waiting for this appointment for FIVE MONTHS...and I felt like I just got totally blown off. The receptionist said she would be calling back "at a later date to reschedule". I know how this clinic operates...If I haven't heard from them by Monday, I'll be calling them!!!

I was really looking forward to getting this screening done - hopefully it will provide some much-needed answers about Rae's behaviors. She can be so frustrating sometimes...it seems like there might be OCD issues to worry about, as well as sensory integration issues, in addition to the autism-like behaviors that we see. If she is autistic, she'd be classified as high-functioning. I wonder if it isn't Asperger's Syndrome. Sometimes it is so hard to get a straight answer from these docs...

This is another reason I wish we had more money...wish we could afford to take both Rae and Jonathan to whatever specialist we needed to in order to find out exactly what their troubles are, and how to fix them. For Jonathan, it's a bit too late to "fix" anything...all we can do is try to teach him coping skills, and pray that he is able to maintain his own apartment someday.

Last night we went to our monthly Families 4 Families support group meeting. This is a small, close-knit group of people who have children with varying degrees of emotional and behavorial health issues. It was interesting to see Jonathan and another young lady actively engaged in conversation - for the very first time. Jonathan usually sits out in our van because he feels like he's the only one his age who comes, but this other young girl is a teenager as well. She's two or three years younger than him, but until recently she seemed much younger than that. ut last night, there was something different. The two of them sat on the couch, talking and laughing with each other...which made a definite impression on all the adults who were there. We all were amazed to see both kids just sitting there, totally at ease with each other.

This is what this support group is all about. The parents helping each other, but also the kids helping each other to grow and be more comfortable in a social situation. It was neat to see how Jonathan is finally growing into a young man who is comfortable with talking to peers and adults alike - he also had a short conversation with one of the other moms, and she said he was very relaxed and chatted amiaby with her. She didn't say what they talked about, but she said he used an appropriate tone of voice - not yelling or talking loudly like he used to do:-) He made eye contact and was generally very pleasant to talk with.

We had good food and good friends to be with...it was an enjoyable evening...and the remainder was spent visiting my parents, who only live two blocks away from where we meet each month.
So we stopped by for a little bit and had coffee and cake with them. (I had decorated a large sheet cake for our meeting, but very few people ate it, so I had lots to share with Mom and Dad!)
We also fine-tuned the girls' Pinewood Derby cars for the race tomorrow morning.

Last Saturday, the girls raced their cars in the Sectional Royal Rangers Pinewood Derby, and Joyce's car won 4th place! And she didn't even get to be there to see it win...so we're going to the Divisional race tomorrow, and see what happens with their cars this time.

Well, we shall see what happens tomorrow...if they don't win anything it's perfectly fine by me, though it would be nice to see them come away with a trophy or two. Especially for Rae...she was so disappointed at our church Pinewood Derby, and then again last Saturday at the sectional race...but I'm not sure her truck will be fast enough. It'll be fun, though, whatever happens. She enjoyed the day last time even though she didn't place.

Twenty-one Years Together

I have now been married longer than I've not been married. What a concept. Yesterday was our 21st wedding anniversary, and in some ways I can't believe it's been that long. Yet in other ways...it's been a LONG ride already. I stand in amazement that we are still together, considering some of the awful things that have happened to us in these past 21 years. I once sat down and listed all the bad things that we have been through (that I could think of), which could possibly destroy even a good marriage. I came up with more than 150 separate events - some of which were part of a larger mess - but nevertheless each separate even could have been enough to break us apart. A couple of times, we almost didn't survive...but here we are...21 years later and still together.

We had a good day together yesterday...went out for a long, quiet breakfast after the kids went to school...although our plans didn't start out that way! We were planning on going to a school board candidate forum that was being held at an elementary school here in town, but it is quite a way from where we live, and we got lost trying to find it. Ended up in a completely different town! So we gave up, considering we were 15 minutes late by the time we reached Battlefield...so that's when we decided to go for breakfast before heading back home. It was a nice time...we had decent food, and good conversation. Talked alot about upcoming plans for Charlie...which was good. He needed to voice his thoughts and start putting things together now.

We went to church last night, which as always consists of supper, chime choir rehearsal (for Joyce), choir rehearsal (for me), the Wed. evening Bible study (for Charlie), Prims (for Rae), Stars (for Joyce) and youth group (for Jonathan). If that sounds like a lot of stuff...it is. Oh and I forgot handbell choir rehearsal (for me) after the other choir rehearsal!

It gets hectic at times, and we don't get home before 9:30 - ever. It makes it hard on the girls to get up the next morning, but it's one night a week, so I don't fuss too bad about it. I grew up this way...having lots of stuff to do at church, so it's natural for me to just deal with it. Charlie was not as involved in things at church, and it took a long time for him to realize that I like being busy within the church...and that this is how it will be!!!!

Well, I have things to get done around the house today...have an appointment this afternoon with someone coming to the house, so I better get the living room picked up:-) I also have a cake to make and decorate for a dinner tonight...and that will take the better part of today to work on. So...I'm outta here for now!!

God's provision

I am new to this whole blogging thing, but thought that since I like to write, this might be a good place to journal my thoughts about my life and my family. I am married and am a stay at home mom to four children. I spend most of my life just trying to keep up with the housework and various appointments that my children and I have each week. It's exhausting at times, but for the most part, it is worth staying home right now - even though we really could use the extra income. Honestly, when I look at the pros and cons of working, I can't see very much in the way of benefits.
We're in a tough spot right now, but this is the only option I see that's available to us.

Sometimes I wonder why God allows us to suffer the way we do, and to not have nice things like those around us. Sometimes it's all we can do just to provide the basic necessities of life. I really wish I could afford to give my children music lessons, but there's not always enough money for gas - let alone the $60 a month PER child that it would cost - and that's just having a college student for a teacher.

I get very frustrated with my life and the lack of income. My husband works hard for what he brings home, and for that I am very thankful. I just wish he could have a job that he truly enjoyed AND paid enough for the things we need.

And yet...once again God has provided just what we need - when we need it. It's hard to live from paycheck to paycheck...but we somehow always manage to scrape by. I'm just tired of "scraping by" though. i've thought often about getting a job, but there are several limitations to that possibility, and no one wants to hire a mom who can only work certain hours, and would need to take time off routinely for doctor's appointments. if there were only something I could do from home that would actually be profitable...

Oh well. Enough dwelling on the negatives of my life. i have things that must get done around here today, while I wait for my husband to come home from work. Tomorrow starts a week of vacation - and we get to celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary all week long! Our anniversary is actually on Wednesday (the 4th), but it will be nice to have extra time to spend together!